Simply stated. Calling.
I didn’t grow up in the church, so I had an image of what I thought pastors were, and I knew intuitively I didn’t measure up to the persona, the charismatic experiences, the suits, and entourage. It wasn’t me; still isn’t. Then in my mid 20s with a young family, I started attending church, and I saw the challenges that small-church pastors faced, and I equally didn’t want any part of that.
However, there was one thing I didn’t account for as I began my journey with Jesus, and that was calling. As I developed a relationship with the LORD, an urgency to become more than just a casual Sunday attender arose within me. So I served in our local church, anywhere there was a need. Initially, it was rewarding, and I figured I’d realized why I felt the sense of urgency, but that wasn’t the end. The calling grew, expanded, and shifted as I learned more about Christ and ultimately the call to minister.
I reluctantly led in various ministry capacities, teaching teenagers, playing the bass, cleaning the church, and even preaching an occasional sermon to the adults, but pastoral ministry never caused a blip on my radar. I didn’t want to take responsibility for helping others develop a personal walk with Christ. I had enough development to do on my own. Yet situations and circumstances continued to place the opportunity to pastor square in my view. After much fighting—I gave up the internal fight and said yes. Scared.